i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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