He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
