I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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