JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
