Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
