What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This baby is an asshole
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize