Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize