I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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