So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize