I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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