I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
