I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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