Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
zippers are such a cool invention
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
