I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
