dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
