I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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