Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
