i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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