I hate all girls vehemently.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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