help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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