i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
