Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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