I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
