dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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