How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
