My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
