A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're too hungover to prance.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
