your room smells of hookers.
And success
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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