I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
