I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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