There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
