the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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