No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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