he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
