honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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