i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
