I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
