just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
