Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
