My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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