I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
