I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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