i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
