I have demons in me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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