He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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