I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
