Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
