Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize