is your mom at the bar?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
