She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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