Can i not drive my cunt home
i already hear my dad disowning me
I could make wine with my vomit
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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