Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
