I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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