I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
