im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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