Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize