this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
