I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
