btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ugly people sure do ruin things
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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