How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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