Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize