can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need a beard to bite.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
