i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
