Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
