I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
