In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize