Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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