answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
