you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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