I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
