so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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