Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she told me i tasted like america
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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