she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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