Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
