kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
